Grading Student Essays about Pericles while Watching Red Bull Rampage
Assignment: Given the context of the speech, do you believe everything Pericles says about Athens in the Funeral Oration? Why or why not?
Individual essay comments:
Nick
Dude, Nick! Your first sentence was SICK. You totally captured the appeal to the audience of Pericles’ tribute to Athens, to democracy, and to the men who died for their city. I thought to myself “this kid is going for it! He’s not holding back!” Then you lost speed and ate it on the thesis statement. Granted, this was a super gnarly assignment, requiring both explication of Pericles’ claims as well as contextual analysis. But that’s why this is elite-level expository writing, man.
Remember that time at Crankworx last year when you barely saved that first landing and it messed up your speed for the rest of the run? Man, if you don’t have a cogent thesis there’s nowhere for your argument to go. I gotta say, Nick, this was one of the gnarliest, most brutal fails I’ve ever seen.
Respect for the send, though, amirite?
Grade: C-
Caroline
GUUUUURL! It is so awesome to see a lady shredder ripping it up at this level! You completely owned your analysis of Pericles’ claims. Those were some gnarly moves, bringing in documentary evidence of slavery and the subjugation of women in Athens to destroy Pericles’ assertions about equality.
RAM! PAGE! RAM! PAGE! RAM! PAGE!
(Sorry, got caught up in the crowd stoke there).
Chica, I was so worried in your second paragraph when you began with an analysis of the speech’s aesthetic appeal, which was so not part of your task. You totally saved it, though, flowing right into a critique of the speech’s purpose. Holy shit, when you deployed the word demagoguery there, it was like next-level shredding.
Way to stick the landing and represent the ladies!
Grade: A+
Damien
Damien. Bro. Solid effort, but your essay lacks sufficient analysis of Pericles’ claims about Athens. I was super stoked on your opening paragraph about the speech’s context, and you CRUSHED your explanation of his rhetorical choices, given Athens’ need to continue the war.
But you crashed hard in your supporting paragraphs. I know the adrenaline was pumping and you must have been scared shitless of blowing the most important features of your argument. I think you over-rotated on paragraph two, re-stating your argument rather than supporting it with evidence.
I mean, yeah, Pericles says that no Athenian is hindered from advancement by poverty but do the facts support that claim? Would you show up to the Rampage on your little sister’s Flower Princess BMX bike? Because rhetorically speaking, that’s what you did here, brah.
I know the grade is a bummer, but you can’t clean every line every time at this level; you gotta dust yourself off, pop your shoulder back in, and open another Google Doc.
Grade: B-
